save_theworld | IC Inbox

[Shortly after this debacle, Rey sees fit to drop them a line because fuck anon and fuck the network:]

...You busy?

[It does take them a little while to get back to her. Not out of any intent on avoiding other people ~~though they're certainly arranging that~~ but...

They're really tired.]

No. Are you okay?

Hard to say. How many people are actually okay?

[Not just here, but anywhere. It's a rare feat worthy of a fucking medal.

[But more to the point.] Do you really think all those things that you don't deserve?

[Yeah. It doesn't take a genius to figure all that "anon" shit out.]

Not a lot.

[It's something a child shouldn't say, isn't it? It's probably something they shouldn't say, but Frisk does anyway. They know most people aren't actually okay; have they ever met anyone who really was?

...But that's not the question right now.]

I'm right. They know I'm right, too.

[Maybe Rey would be more daunted by that sort of talk if she had more experience with children. Sure, there was Muscovy -- who now is Russia -- but he is far from being a normal child as well. As it is, she doesn't even balk at Frisk's response.

[Hell, she expected it.]

Why? Because you're a fuck up? Killed people?

[And that sure as hell is no way a normal adult would respond to a child saying the things Frisk has said. Rey just accepts that this is no normal situation. The way she speaks is even different now, devoid of the usual monotone in place of a more upfront, sincere manner of speech.]

There's more to it than that.

[But that's...also a lot more to it. They think, of telling her about everything else. Of trying to explain what it means when you have a responsibility, when you can do something no one else can. They've never had to try to explain it before. The people who judged them for it already knew.]

...Do you think if someone has the chance to go back and make everything better, they have to?

[It's funny... She's had this conversation before, or one very similar to it. Back home, even. Might be even the reason why she decided to pick up her damn phone in the first place.]

If they could, sure. But that isn't how life works, is it? No matter how much iodine you pour on it, dress it up, hide it... those are scars that'll never go away, and you have to learn how to live with that.

[Her face is practically a symbolic testament to that, which Rey had to make sure she would never forget.]

No.

[No. She's wrong.]

...I can go back. When things get bad.

If someone dies, if I die- it never happened. Nobody has to worry.

I could fix everything, but I-

[They weren't good enough. They went back, and went back, and even when they changed their mind for a while, even when it became about trying to help everyone else, eventually, they still just wanted to leave.

And then they did.]

I was supposed to save them.

And why didn't you?

[Speaking less like someone who's judging Frisk for their actions and more of a complete third party, unbiased and unaffected by what they had done but nevertheless in a similar boat.

[Yes. This topic rings very familiar...]

I don't know how.

[Their voice cracks; less of a whine and more of a plea. Please understand that they did try. Please, understand them.

Please, just stand them.]

I know I can, but I don't know how.

It's okay. [She lets those two words sit. Sink in for a second or two.] It's okay not to know. A lot of grown ass adults don't even know how.

[Rey is one of them.]

Not everyone can be saints.

[They do- struggle. To find their voice. And perhaps that's simply because she sounds so confident. Or perhaps it's because she's the first person to tell them it's okay.]

It's not, though. Twenty percent, fifty percent. They're both failing grades.

If I was better, people wouldn't lie so much. They wouldn't be scared of me.

[Times like these, Rey actually finds herself fortunate. She's fucking grateful not to see a familiar face from her world since IV, and even then there could have definitely been worse to show up here. For that, she is grateful.]

People can't always help but be scared.

[Pause.] Where are you? Do you mind if we meet?

[Comes to show that Rey is not one of the ones afraid of them. Obviously.]

...Sure.

[They could do with getting out of the apartment for a while. Their room feels too small- just like their room on the Surface used to.

Chara won't mind if they don't get back to them for a little longer.]

Um. I'm at home, but I don't want to meet here.

All right.

[She figures maybe they both could use less time looking at the network and more time outside, anyway.]

By the river, then? Maybe on the bridge closest to the armory?

Yeah, I know that one.

Um, I'll meet you there?

[That's...an appropriate enough goodbye, they think. They give themself a minute before getting up, pulling on their shoes and leaving their phone on their mattress when they leave. They don't really want to see more of what people are saying, right now. Don't rally want to be contacted.

If someone sends them a message, they'll get to it later. They know they will.

Eventually, their feet take them right to the bridge; still the same scruffy thing that had been sleeping in her laundry, the last time they met in person. Maybe even a little scruffier. Their sweater has certainly been mended a few times over, now

[That's as much of a "goodbye" as Rey's, who simply hangs up and decides to leave her phone in her own bedroom. Maybe an ill-advised decision, given the spontaneity of Hadriel and its residents, and the possible worrying of her roommate. But, like Frisk, she decides that she can afford to fall off the network grid for a little bit. God knows there's enough noise going on in it.

[By the time Frisk arrives, Rey is already at the bridge. Biding her time with her elbows rested over the guardrail with a piece of fruit in her mouth.

[Just as she notices Frisk approaching the bridge, she slides a hand into one of the pockets of her cargo pants and pulls out a pear-like fruit, similar to the one she's eating. She holds it out for them.]

Got you one, in case you're hungry. From the orchard.

[Self-care is not often on one's mind when they're in a state like Frisk is in, and that tends to include remembering to feed yourself. Sometimes it helps having someone to remind you. And, if nothing else, they can always save it for later.]

Edited 2017-02-26 07:09 (UTC)

Oh. Thank you.

[They aren't- they don't think they're actually hungry. Still, Frisk bites into it a few moments after it's accepted, letting the fruit sit on their tongue. It tastes okay, if they think on it. Otherwise, the taste doesn't really register at all.

She didn't call them all the way out here just to eat fruit.]

...Sorry. For the stuff I said. [On the network. To her, privately.] Shouldn't have.

[Her eyes turn to the water as Frisk apologizes, expression neutral. However, she speaks with the same as when they talked over the phone:] I'm not the one you should be saying sorry to.

[Times like these, she wishes she had a cigarette. Instead, she takes another bite of the odd, otherworldly fruit.]

Maybe you shouldn't have said those things, but it's how you feel, isn't it?

[If not her, then who? Asriel? Chara?

...Sans? Their own expression is neutral as well, fingers slowly turning the fruit over in their hands. They don't know if they want to find out, who she thinks they should apologize to.]

...Yeah. That's how I feel.

[It's probably more of a loaded question than they think. But Rey just focuses on the more important subject, her gaze not wavering from the water below.]

You do realize that you're not the only killer in this city, don't you? That you aren't the only one who's done terrible things?

[And they aren't the only one who has ever considered, or acted out on, the things that Frisk has thought about.

[And then, she mutters:] This whole situation we're in was built on the foundation of bringing in awful people.

[She says it like that means something. And yet Frisk's shaking their head before Rey's even finished speaking, digging their fingernails into the pear-shaped fruit.]

Doesn't matter. I was supposed to be better.

...I met them. Other me's, when the door let in too many people.

[A shadow of a smile. It's not there for a very happy reason.]

They were nice.

[Inappropriate that it might be, Rey barks a harsh laugh. This all rings too familiar with her.]

But they're not you.

[She gives the fruit in her hand a soured look, the taste of it having already gone bitter in her own mouth. Much as she is able to revel in taste now after all those years of being without it, she can't seem to appreciate it now.

[So she tosses what's left of it in the river and sighs.] Had other me's, too. Some better, some much worse. Hurt a lot of people, killed many more. Can't change that, can't go back and fix things, can't even die. Already done it many times.

[And in the end there was always darkness and solitude. An isolation she is not all too quick to return to, now that she's experienced some semblance of family, friends, the company of others.

[Suddenly, that horrible taste in her mouth makes her gut churn as she folds her arms over the bridge's railing.]

Whether it be by your own hand or someone else's, dying won't change a damn thing. The damage is still done and it always will be.

[She can't die? The statement draws their eyes up to her face, but...maybe she means it like them. Can die, just-

Their own fruit doesn't taste so good, either. Doesn't feel good. She tossed hers first, so after a moment, they follow suit. Watch it disappear into the water and wish they'd done more than lightly toss it forward, so it had gone further.]

I know dying doesn't help. I just come back anyway. And everyone comes back here, right? [Even though it's linear, they come back. Asriel. Alphys. Connor. Sans.]

But what if...

What if one of those other me's could stay, instead? What if they can't because I'm here? If no one wants me, then-

Isn't that the right thing to do? Disappear.

Depends.

What makes you so sure that the next you will be "better"? Maybe they'll be worse. Maybe they'll lack the "sense" in disappearing, hurt more people. Too many variables when you've been different people. Becomes a bit of a problem.

So, no. Don't think it's the right thing to do, actually. [Her mouth draws into a thin line as she says this, not blind to her own hypocrisy.] The right thing to do is to own up to your shit. Try to be a better person.

There will always be people who don't like you. Hate your guts, even, wish that you are dead. But it sounds like you've got people that care about you, too.

Maybe take it from someone who's tried the solution you're considering. [Pause.] Or don't. Your choice.

Edited 2017-03-07 03:56 (UTC)

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